I have only ever had a grown dog. But, last week, we got a 9 week old Goldendoodle. A puppy. Dear Goddess, if I’d only known what I was in for. This is my first week of the Puppy Diary.
Puppy Diary Entry #1
I have a new baby, and he is a total pain in the ass. He poops and pees on the floor, even after I let him outside for like 15 minutes and repeat 100 times during that 15 minutes, “Okay. Time to go pee pee. Time to go poo poo.”
He wants to chew everything. Shoes and toys, obviously, but also the staircase and my feet.
He puts his paws in his water bowl and flips it over. Every single day. Several times a day.
He wakes me up consistently at 2am and 5am to be carried downstairs and then outside to do his business. Like he doesn’t have 4 perfectly good legs. And last night it was pouring rain.
He rolls around in mud and digs like he needs to make a jail break. My god, I barely have any grass as it is, and he is pulling it out like I do my gray hairs. Which he is giving me more of.
Puppy Diary Entry #2
I have a new baby, and I have already spent like a zillion dollars buying stuff for him. A fenced pen for the backyard, because the fence around our property has an opening in one spot that he can escape from.
A crate to sleep in (thank goddess my friend csonga gave us a crate for to keep downstairs for his “crating” practice).
Food and water bowls, a collar, a leash, a harness. Toys and blankets and crate pads and treats. Sprays to remove his pheromones when he pees inside so he doesn’t keep going back to the same spot (note to buyer: does not seem to be effective). Shampoo and brush.
For someone who so likes to play in his water bowl, he is not so fond of baths, which he needs frequently because of rolling around in the mud and digging in my yard.
Puppy Diary Entry #3
I have a new baby that my daughter begged for. #1 item on her birthday list. Been talking about getting a dog since forever. And now she is a scaredy cat. She’s become a giant dog toy by squealing and jumping every time the baby gets nippy with her, which is all the time, because he’s teething. (And because he’s a PUPPY!)
Emmy does not seem to grasp how to take control of the puppy, how to be the alpha girl in the pack. Instead, she leaps to furniture when the baby is around, shrieks, and then cries because he is not nestled at her feet, sleeping quietly.
Puppy Diary Entry #4
I have a new baby and he is so freaking cute. He is 15 pounds of energy and happiness. He lets me carry him with his legs on either side of my hips and his head resting on my shoulder.
He gets hiccups a lot.
He talks in his sleep.
He rolls around in the grass like he is a child rolling down a hill.
He sleeps on his belly with his arms spread out on either side of his head and his legs spread out on either side of his trunk.
He is pure joy, and I think he will be our new best friend – mine, my husband’s, our daughter’s…once he gets past all his baby pain in the ass behavior.
Meet Teddy Roosevelt.