One thing I know for sure is that you can’t change other people just by telling them what to do. The Ten Commandments are the perfect example of this. If God Almighty can’t even get those who claim to love and serve him to abide by what he says is right, then what hope is there for us mere mortals to do the same with each other? Not much. So, while I believe you can (and should) write your own life story, stick to that story, please. Don’t try to ghostwrite someone else’s story, too.
In practical terms, this means fixing and changing ourselves and not putting our energy and attention on trying to fix and change someone else. Of course, we know that we’re right and the other person is wrong, but that’s beside the point. The point is you can only write your own life story. You can’t write someone else’s. At least not if you want to be successful.
When you write your own life story, the bestselling version, you behave toward others how you wish they would behave toward you. You give to others what you wish you could receive back. When you write your own life story, you live your own life, and you are responsible for your actions and words.
Ghostwriting someone else’s story means you tell them what to do and how to live. You offer (mostly unsolicited) advice about what is the right course of action. You (mostly ineffectually) cajole, nag, eye roll, and repeat yourself to get the other person to change his or her behavior.
I speak from years and years of experience, so trust me on this. You can’t dictate how other people behave. You cannot ghostwrite someone else’s story. It just doesn’t work. The plot fails. The book isn’t a bestseller. It’s a flop.
Of course, getting past this conditioned response (to change someone else because he’s wrong and I’m right!) requires enormous patience and compassion. It’s not easy turn the other cheek when you’d like to smack someone across the face (because they’re not doing what you tell them to do).
In situations like this, ask yourself these questions. Is it better to be right or is it better to be at peace? Do I want to create more tension (asserting that my way is the better way) or do I want to create harmony? That’s really the bottom line.
Sometimes you have to shut up and get over yourself. Your way isn’t the one, right way. It’s just one way. And writing your life story is YOUR practice. About you and for you. It’s about trying every day, every hour, every minute, to manifest the person you want to be, to make a small step toward the goals you want to realize, to be more attuned to your best self.
If you want peace in your relationships, write your own life story. Be the author and creator of your life and no one else’s.