I am channeling my inner Rubber Band Girl.
I will bend and not break.
I will be flexible.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been priming myself for an emotional meltdown. I began to think that my marriage was in serious trouble. See, there’s this issue, this specific, emotionally laden issue, that’s been going on in my marriage for over 2 years now. Something we fight about. Something I cry about and despair over. And, recently, I decided that this issue wasn’t going to get resolved, at least not according to the plan I had in mind.
I brought this up with my therapist. (Cue the histrionics.)
“I’m not sure this is going to work out,” I said. “I feel desperate. I mean, what will it take to get him to start doing something about this?!”
My therapist looked at me and said, “Stop it. No one is dying. No one is going to jail. Stop getting yourself so worked up about this.” Then she added, “Remember, there isn’t just one way that things can progress. There may be multiple ways, but you are stuck on the one way that you want.”
Her words were like smelling salts. They woke me up. I stopped my sniveling and thought, ‘Holy shit. I am making my own melodrama. I am sabotaging myself. Again!!!’
Folks, I am inflexible, and my rigid outlook is contributing to my marital conflict. (Note: I’m not saying my husband hasn’t contributed the problem, but I can’t control his behavior, only my own and my responses to his behavior.)
Here’s how my inflexibility works. I’m attached to a very specific outcome. Things have to go a certain way, which is, coincidentally, my way, and, all humility aside, the right way. So when my husband doesn’t say or do what aligns with my version of how things ought to go, specifically regarding this one all-important-all-consuming issue (truth be told, there are probably many other issues in our marriage that don’t go the way they should…Oh my goddess, am I a control freak?! Let’s shelve that for another post), I sacrifice my own peace and happiness. I make my well being entirely dependent on something outside of myself – how the situation turns out or how he acts.
Well, add this to the lessons I’ve learned over the past year, lessons that are becoming encyclopedic in volume.
So I’m turning over a new leaf. (Please, hold me accountable, friends.) I resolve to become Rubber Band Girl. I will bend and not break. I will be flexible and allow for the existence of other paths and plans – not just the one I want (even if I still maintain that it’s the right path/plan).
As Kate Bush sang,
See those trees
Bend in the wind
I feel they’ve got a lot more sense than me
You see I try to resist
This Rubber Band Girl isn’t resisting, futilely pushing against reality (seriously, does that ever work?!). Nope, I will flow like a willow tree. This doesn’t mean I’ll be meek or allow myself to get shit on. You all know me. I have way to much spunk and independence for that. What it means is that I’m not going to close off myself. I will remain open – open minded, open hearted, open whatever-ed – open for all options and for every possibility. In doing so, I will be responsible for my own peace and happiness and no longer willingly allow them to be dependent on anyone or anything else.
Go, Rubber Band Girl!