It’s not a dirty little secret, because I’m not into AA anonymity. Hiding the ugly parts of our lives may keep everything looking good, but in the long run, it’s neither practical nor helpful. We all suffer. We all have baggage. Try as we might to maintain the façade, it’s not going to last. And what’s the point anyway? To show everyone else you’ve got it all together or to convince yourself that everything’s okay when it’s not? That’s more work than it’s worth.
It’s not a dirty little secret. I just hadn’t told everyone (meaning all 479 of my FB friends). I told my closest friends, my family members, and my writer friends. I told 50 or so people. Then, in the last 2 weeks, 2 people I know from my professional world asked me about it. Out of the blue. Just making conversation.
“Are you still writing your blog?” one asked me.
“I saw you have a blog,” the other emailed me.
Deer in headlights. Wait. Say what? How do you know I have a blog?
Although my name is not on my blog, I wrote a guest post for MindBodyGreen a few months ago, and it got re-posted on various sites, and the bio has my name and blog URL. Google search. There are no secrets on the World Wide Web.
My name’s Silke, and I write a blog.
My blog is about my life – the shitty stuff, like my struggles with alcohol and depression and my issues with my father, but also the good stuff, like my work toward health and happiness. It’s a mixed bag, but that’s life in general, ups, downs, and in-betweens. And if you know me, then you know I will tell you my life story because that’s the kind of person I am – no filter, heart on sleeve.
But…not everyone knows my story. Not everyone has seen my mental and physical stretch marks.
This blog is my space to say what I’m thinking and process what I’m going through. It’s a very public diary. I write it, because it’s therapeutic for me. I write it, because I love to write. I write it, because I believe sharing our collective story connects and grounds us. It’s breaks down the walls we put up and forces us to see who we really are – fragile humans muddling through life, trying to do the best we can.
Am I afraid of risking my professional life by writing the blog, afraid that my colleagues will take me less seriously? Am I worried that people will talk about me behind my back?
No, because it’s not a dirty little secret. It’s out in the open, and it’s my truth, my life story.